random memes }


Received in the mail.


Ken Mehlman RNC Chairman

Senator Bill Prist Majority Leader

Congressman Dennis Hastert Speaker

Congressman Tom Delay Majority Leader

Dear Fellow Republican,

You are among a select group of Republicans who have been chosen to take part in the official CENSUS OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.

Just for the record, this was addressed to me. I am not now and have never been a registered member of any political party.

Enclosed is your new GOP CENSUS DOCUMENT which was assigned and prepared especially for you as a representative of all Republicans living in your voting district.

Registration #: 6819-2286 Voting District Code: IDO3-13

Your answers will be used to develop a BLUEPRINT for the Republican Party for the next 10 years.

The 2000, 2002 and 2004 elections have all showed how critical it is that we identify and contact EVERY SINGLE POTENTIAL Republican voter in America to get them involved.

Because it is cost prohibitive for the Republican Party to print and mail an official REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS to each and every one of the 55,000,000 Republicans nationwide . . .

. . . your answers will represent the views and opinions of all Republican voters living in your voting district.

So even if you are undecided about some questions, please complete your new GOP CENSUS DOCUMENT and return it to me in the next 7 days to ensure we get ample and accurate results.

Should we continue developing a missile defense system that would protect our nation against nuclear missiles?

At this point I am starting to feel a bit dizzy. The statement assumes the "missile defense system" will in fact protect anything. All the evidence so far is to the contrary. I am in fact in favor of developing a working missile defense -- but that is not what we have at present.

Should the inheritance or "death" tax be permanently repealed? And do you support President Bush's pro-growth policies to create more jobs and improve the economy?

Since my family is not rich enough such that I or my children might benefit from repealing the inheritance tax, and since this would seem to mean passing more of the tax load to my children -- um, no I do not see value in a permanent repeal.

Also while I am all in favor of "pro-growth policies" that "create more jobs and improve the economy", nothing really comes to mind about the current administration to which I would apply those words.

Should we allow religious and charitable groups to do more in reducing poverty so that those in need get the direct help necessary to get back on track? Or should the government be able to continue discriminating against faith-based organizations?

Hmm, "discriminating" sounds bad, but what exactly are they trying to sell?

Do you favor balancing the federal budget by cutting wasteful government spending?

Of course I "favor balancing the federal budget" and favor "cutting wasteful government spending"!! Last I checked the current Administration and Congress took us from a surplus to a record deficit. Seems they are more the problem than the solution.

Do you support the law, passed by the Republican Congress and signed by President Bush, that bans partial-birth abortion?

Make no mistake - without your answers to the REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS DOCUMENT questions. . .

. . . our leadership will not know how you and other Republicans at the grassroots level of our Party feel about the critical issues facing our nation.

The Republican National Committee will be unable to develop a BLUEPRINT that will truly energize and unify our Party.

Without your answers, the RNC cannot fully create a campaign plan to organize and mobilize Republicans at the grassroots level of our Party. Most importantly, without your answers we will be unable to help President Bush win passage of his reform agenda in Congress.

Remember. the RNC is the only Republican Committee responsible for both the campaign strategy to maintain and expand our majorities in the House and Senate during the 2006 mid-term elections and for helping enact the President's agenda.

Our margins are razor-thin. Liberal Democrats in the U.S. Senate can still kill almost any legislation that President Bush proposes and they can stop his appointment of judicial nominees. So real reform depends on maintaining and extending our Republican majorities in the House and the Senate. not iust now. but over the next 10 years.

And that starts with including Republicans like you in formulating our BLUEPRINT, then identifying, educating and turning-out Republicans on Election Day.

The last three national elections have been extremely close. In 2002, we came within a few thousand votes of losing the House and Senate to the Democrats and liberal special interests.

And I don't need to tell you how critical the get-out-the-vote effort was to our Party in 2004, when President George W. Bush won re-election by just 3%.

New Hampshire was decided by just 9,171 votes; Wisconsin by 11,813 votes and Pennsylvania by 128,869 votes out of 5,676,212 votes cast in the keystone state. In fact, if 60,000 votes had gone the other way in Ohio in 2004 . . . John Kerry would be President today.

That's why your REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS DOCUMENT is so important.

It all comes down to old-fashioned methods of grassroots contact - phone calls, door-to-door canvassing, postcards and letters to likely Republicans.

Believe me, the Democrat Party is angry. The radical liberals are once again screaming that Republicans stole the election. And if you look at the facts, the Democrats set voter turnout records and fundraising records in 2004 as well.

There is no question, the Democrats will be back with a vengeance. And historically the party in the White House loses seats in Congress in the off year. So you can bet the Democrats will be rejuvenating their deflated base for 2006 and for the 2008 presidential campaign.

And liberal special interest groups like People for the American Way, the Trial Lawyers and MoveOn.org, emboldened by their influence in 2004, are already filling their campaign coffers for 2006. Republican candidates at all levels will need the RNC's help.

So please don't delay in completing your official REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS.

Based on your response, the RNC plans to print and mail a REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS to 5.5 million Republicans so that we can get a statistically reliable sampling of our Party.

But at a cost of $.40 each, our CENSUS OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY will cost the RNC over $2.2 million.

So along with your completed GOP CENSUS DOCUMENT, won't you also enclose a contribution of $500, $250, $100, $50 or even $25 to the Republican National Committee?

Your gift of $500 will allow another 1,250 Republicans to take part in this offical census. And $250 will help us reach 625 of our fellow party activists.

But more importantly. your contribution of any size will help the RNC unify our Party in advance of the 2006 and 2008 elections!

2004 was a watershed year. But it was only one year.

Republicans will lead the nation based on an agenda that represents your views. But we can only accomplish this goal if we maintain our Republican majorities in the U.S. House and Senate and provide strong support for President Bush's agenda.

And with majorities in both the House and Senate and President Bush in the White House. we've qot more at stake than ever.

Liberal special interests and some unions will continue to hire hundreds of "professional activists" and put them in place in targeted congressional districts around the country. Working together with the radical environmentalists and ultra liberal groups, these organizers will set their sights on taking back Congress next year.

To counter these efforts, the Regublican National Committee has already started workinq on our campaign Dlans to grotect our majorities in both the U.S. House and Senate.

We're targeting key precincts where we must rebuild our party and get each and every Republican to the polls.

This is why your GOP CENSUS is so important. We know the best way to energize Republicans is to have a strong agenda that reflects their concerns. And to do that, we need your help.

Won't you please:

  1. Complete your specially registered REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS and return it to me today?
  2. Enclose your most generous gift of $500, $250, $100, $50 or even $25 to help the RNC mail an official REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS to 5.5 million Republicans throughout the country?

Remember, your new GOP CENSUS is among the very first to be mailed. President Bush is counting on all of us.

Sincerely, Ken Mehlman Chairman

If you have managed to get this far, brace yourself, the census proper follows. No point in taking apart the doublespeak that follows -- either you see it, or you do not.



  1. Do you support President Bush's initiatives to promote the safety and security of all Americans?
  2. Do you support the use of air strikes against any country that offers safe harbor or aid to individuals or organizations committed to further attacks on America?
  3. Do you continue to support increasing the amount of security at airports, train stations and all government buildings including monuments and museums?


  1. Should the Inheritance or "Death Tax" be permanently repealed?
  2. Do you support President Bush's pro-growth policies to create more jobs and improve the economy?
  3. Do you think Congress should focus on cutting the federal budget deficit by reducing wasteful government spending?


  1. Do you support President Bush's plan to make our schools more accountable to parents and to restore local control of education?
  2. Should students, teachers, principals and administrators be held to higher standards?
  3. Do you agree that teaching our children to read and increasing literacy rates should be a national priority?


  1. Do you support President Bush's initiative to allow private religious and charitable groups to do more to help those in need?
  2. Do you support the law, passed by the Republican Congress and signed by President Bush, that bans partial-birth abortions?
  3. Do you support the President's efforts to save Social Security for future generations?
  4. Do you think Congress should pass legislation on the Federal Marriage Amendment?


  1. Do you think U.S. troops should have to serve under United Nations' commanders?
  2. Do you agree that our top military priority should be fighting terrorists?
  3. Should the U.S. continue work on building a defense shield against nuclear missile attack?


  1. Do you support the election of Republican candidates across the country and rebuilding our majorities over the next ten years?
  2. a. Did you vote in the year 2000? b. Did you vote in the year 2002? c. Did you vote in the year 2004?
  3. Will you join the Republican National Committee by making a contribution today?

The odd thing is -- before receiving this, er, creative document I was indeed considering joining. There are some interesting voices within the Republican party. There are a couple of local representatives (including one I have met) of whom I have a positive impression. (There are also some about whom I feel rather differently).

There is so much "spin" in this document I felt queasy after reading the first few "census" questions. To be fair, I would not be surprised to find the "Democrat" party might well send out missives of similar nature.

No, I cannot send money in response to a document that assumes I am dull and gullible....