The dwarf apple tree over the backyard patio died. Not sure when, exactly. Some time in the past year.
The tree grew like crazy every year. Required careful pruning for balance, and to provide a good space for the patio beneath. Very nice space. Very healthy tree. Spent many working hours on the patio, beneath that tree, with a gold-furred dog sleeping near, in the decade I worked from home while my kids grew.
The kids are grown. Started working in an office a couple years ago. Almost no time spent outside. The dog is gone, and now the tree is gone. As are other bits.
Changes of mind as well. Listening to my old iPod on shuffle, much of the music I have collected now seems … irrelevant. Odd. In a sense the music I kept became or reflected a part of me. Music as a seamless part of my background, no longer applies. Why?
Going to split my music collection. A first. Time to jettison a large part of the past.
I tend to accumulate things. Something I got from my father. Visited my father recently. Clutter is slowly overwhelming his new house in Colorado. His stories were much about the past. I was not in a mind to follow.
I keep too much, at first, then throw things away. Digging through and discarding old stuff. “Might be useful someday.” Or not. Gone.
Folk of my age seem to be much into nostalgia. Listen to the old songs. Visit the past. Groups value “tribute” bands. Other patterns I cannot follow. Nostalgia means nothing to me.
Sometimes it seems as though my mind creates the world around me. Not exactly true … but not wrong. With a change in focus an attention, other things change. There are many things that worked, because I paid attention. Now that my focus has shifted, some past-things no longer work. I am of a mind to simplify, rather than go back.
Hiking through the local wilderness area. A path I took many hundreds of times before was … different. As though all the colors have shifted. As though I was looking through different eyes.
Divide your life into quarters: health, kids, work, and pairing. Three quarters are very strong. The last always empty. Might be able to do something meaningful about that last, finally.
My mind has changed. Not sure where I am going, exactly. One thing is clear. The future is more interesting than the past.